Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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