i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
