You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
