im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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