I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
