I didn't shave. On purpose
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
