I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
