using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
