youre lurking in front of me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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