i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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