This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
