At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
