I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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