And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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