I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
