I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
