I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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