If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
