I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
