dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the day after is always just damage control
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
