I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
