I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
