i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
