She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
