Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
