peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
