She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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