There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
