opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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