His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
