im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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