Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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