Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
