You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
