Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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