We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
