also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
