He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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