Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
