I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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