Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
