First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
