Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Rumble strips road head = magical
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
