1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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