i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
