It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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