Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
