Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
