im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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