I looked at my own cervix.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
