She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
