She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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