he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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